Kaku get me a pepper spray....

Yes that's what my niece of told me last night on mobile almost screaming loud to make me hear as I was in the local vegetable then.For a long time I could not understand what she was talking about.in fact,I cross-checked with her-is it spices to be used in some dish that you are talking about.No she sounded bit apologetic in reply and little anxious too.Then I suddenly could connect it.Oh,she must be talking about that spray which people use to temporarily immobilize unhealthy intruders.She sounded scared and there was valid reason behind her worry.She travels to her office located at India Habitat Center in a chartered bus every morning and returns around eight by the same mode.Last night a female medical student was violated in such a bus despite being in company of her friend for protection.One was victimized for her gender and the other beaten up brutally for standing up to defend his friend.In this age,even as Sunita William has been making space histories, an average citizen cowers and suffers in our country,more so if she happens to be female.

Friends!it indeed is worrisome.When your young generation feels scared,you have to look at your society in which he or she lives.What is the value system that is transmitted thru its academic,social and family institutions.What prompts the perpetrators to be as thoughtless as they have become?Who makes them into what they have become?Who can be held guilty for their violent and criminal acts?If we can't have courage to find the answers to our these questions and face the reality,we can never hope for any better future.Lack of value seems to be corroding every level of our society.Hence the most noble actions tend to look reprehensible.The criminality in social domain is another facet of this lack of value system.We seem too much in hurry to abandon our social and family institutions to ape the western ways of living.Least realizing that even they are suffering badly due to lack of values.Look at the incidents in Connecticut ,US.

But that's not say that we must chain our female members our society to our house.No,I did not mean to say that.All I mean to say that all of us have a very important role in shaping and running a society.This attitude that we as individuals are here just to enjoy the benefits of living in a society,but the role of keeping it healthy and secure is of others-namely of government,police,courts etc. will not work.If we don't change our attitude we will suffer.We have to learn to think as a responsible caretaker of our society,be where we are in our social position.We have to ponder over the crisis of worsening value system in our society.Government is happy running a government without having time to look at the results of its governance.Individuals are busy being hedonists little realizing where they are heading for.All this leaves us with is the headline we see day after day in the TV and other news media.

I have no solutions in particular in my mind.If you have please come forward.But I can tell you that If all of us take the responsibility of living by values and sharing good values only with our children, neighbors, students, teachers, subordinates, bosses, servants, colleagues, friends, relatives everyone,there is no way criminality can remain as prevalent as it is today.I have a doubt that many of us are abandoning our roles to live like a responsible individuals full of good thoughts and values.We are  creating this insecure society by abandoning our responsibilities to be good role models in our family and society.Our mindless quest for hedonistic pleasure at any cost is leading us to a bleak future.let us all think about it deeply and resolve to work towards   a lifestyle ,which encourages strength,discipline and goodness in our society.Let us all strive to inculcate good values,so that our children do not need to reach out to pepper spray in search of security.

Can we do something to save their innocence?

Me and father are very good friends, and I am always so happy to note that we are able to communicate on almost all topics under the sun barring the few odd ones.Last week, our discussion turned to the topic of protection of innocence of our children.Actually ,now a days,my niece and her two years old sweet child is staying with us,as she is in the process of getting shifted to Gwalior-place where her banker husband has got transferred to.Ananya, my niece's baby daughter is child in her age only,but her thought process,her expressions,her clever games and her ability to understand topics much beyond her age is a thing of interest for us.We always feel that the child has been robbed of her innocence very early in her life,as she has been exposed to the thousands of hours of cartoons,hundreds of movies and serials on TV.She talks like a grown up persons,reasons like them and has abilities to become diplomatic,demanding and scheming, as the situation demands.Her choices,mannerisms,style all seem influenced by unreal characters from the unreal world.They are madly attracted by the  brands and companies,who lose no opportunities to convert these children into addicted consumers entwined to serve the interests of these companies for all their life. 

All this looks interesting in her age,but instead developing her own thinking,she is becoming typecast owing to the avoidable overexposure to digital and electronic mediums at such a tender age.This was the time,when she could have learnt a lot thru her personal interaction with the real world,people,nature,animals,places,she has been forced to learn from cartoon characters. Big brands are slowly behaving like drug peddlers ,who peddle their items to these innocent children.And being unable to discriminate,the children get sucked into the vortex of consumption whirlwind.Their ability to discriminate and take independent judgement,gets impaired irreversibly and we all become mere witnesses to their gradual dismay and destruction. Highly manipulated by the media opinion makers who are in turn driven from behind by the market forces,we all seem to believe that this is the way life is and nothing needs to be done about it.At times,we may get illusion-ed to think that if our child doesn't fit into the present media suggested mold ,they may get deprived of vital things in life.

The present scenario also seems to favour present day parents,who are so much hard-pressed for personal time for themselves.When they are not being able to do justice to themselves,how are they suppose to do justice to their children in terms of their development,health and social requirements.The whole process seems destined,yet we can do a lot,if we care to sit back and ponder for a while.After all the child is fully dependent upon us.He or she is here because,we chose to parent them.We welcomed them here in this world.Therefore,we have a huge responsibility towards them -much beyond fulfilling monetary needs.Don't get consumed by the flawed logic that because we need to have more money for children to look after them,its justified to deprive them of the precious time and association,which they need so badly and which only parents can give.Our children never set the limit for our social or economic level of existence.All they demand is our attention,love,care and presence to grow into a strong,confident and healthy constituents of the society in future.All of us have seen the futility of wealth in ensuring a bright or happy future.Everyday headlines are a testimony to this bitter fact.Still,we seem to be incapable to rise above the temptation to accumulate endless money to meet that unforeseen future.This all is a result of deep insecurity that we seem to harbour due to our faulty grooming and we seem to be perpetuating the same thru our actions.Let us sit down for a while and spare some thoughts on this issue.May be ,after an honest,humble and deeper introspection,we would be able to find a way to groom a healthy constituent of our society.Our children would be as happy as we desire them to be and as they deserve to be.

Koshish Karnewalon Ki Kabhi Haar Nahi Hoti.....

In the last couple of weeks,we have seen a thousand hearts bleed over the non-fulfillment of objective of popular movements spearheaded by diverse social groups.And it is natural also.Ever since the Tunisia spring revolutions,change seemed imminent and very much possible in all circumstances.This was one of the reasons,why millions in this country to lent their voice to such movements.But it has not happened so far.Its a fact.The government,which was expected to be sensitive,has belied hopes.The opposition which was supposed to be active in taking up the cause,is seen eager to garner default sympathy votes of demoralized and government spurned popular movement participants.Overall mood is that people have been shown the door and told that unless you don't support any of the existing political outfits,your voices would be scorned at and ignored.

Thus everything is as per the script except the undue disappointment among the masses.We all knew the nature of our polity and bureaucracy.Didn't we?So,why are we behaving as if something strange has happened.It's only that we have experienced it first time in life consciously.So the diagnosis has proved our suspicion right.Then,what next?Shall we stop striving for remedial measure just because the diagnosis has proved our suspicion right?No,way.In fact,the job begins now.I must thank the leaders of popular movements,who galvanized the public opinion so strongly against the establishment on the  issues of public interest.But they forgot to communicate one vital thing to the masses that all such struggles require time and sacrifice to be effective.Such destiny transforming results are not the outcomes of the TV studio debates or media lauded  activities alone.It takes much deeper and firmer commitment and self-confidence to change destiny of nations.It may demand sacrifices too.So,if all of us are too eager to enjoy the fruits of this changed destiny personally,we have really underestimated the effort that is required to root out corruption from the country.If we feel hurt that government and politicians are not listening to us,then we are too egotist and we are not really committed to our goals.That the circumstances would test our strength,patience and determination ,was a known fact.Now,its our turn to prove our mettle.So,no room for complacency in effort.Just keep yourself self-motivated by thinking of those,who died for the great cause of freedom silently as unknown freedom fighters,but did not budge.It may take time,but it would be successful.If and only if we are truthfully committed to our stated cause.So be cheerful and keep working from your places for this cause relentlessly.Change tactics if required,but don't lose heart.It's not the job of few leaders to get this for us.It's our cause and we all must strive together collectively to achieve this.Know fully well that.... 

Waiting for them day after day

Today,when I got back from my classes,I was a bit tensed up about my next assignment.So,I thought of relaxing by watching something on the TV.As I was busy in small talk,I heard some gripping story of families,whose children went missing,but despite all efforts they remain untraceable.I was seeing their kith and kin, living in a state of perpetual mourning since their departure,sharing their sense of loss and grief.I was moved.It struck a chord in my heart immediately.I have been blessed with unduly emotional mindset since my childhood and the happenings in my life did not help me either to remain away from emotion even for one moment.I am very quick in getting closer with individuals emotionally.I am made that way.I used to be proud of my this ability and used to relish being close to human beings.But as time passed, age caught up with me and gradually I  was to witness another facet of this phenomenon.With time,I was losing people,whom I loved with so much intensity and depth.The sense of loss was unimaginable and the pain inexplicable yet unbearable.Time and again,person after person,I used to suffer silently.I still remember vividly the death of my young class-teacher in a street burglary,passing of my grand mother,sudden departure of my eldest uncle,loss of Ranu's mom (friend's mom),demise of my own mother,departure of friend,friends parents....countless of them.I was very deeply attached to each of them and thus felt an acute sense of loss for each of them.But as I was watching the documentary-two things stood distinctly among other things.One,at least in the cases of death-natural or unnatural,there was a sense of finality or closure about the incident.It may have been painful ,each time I lost my near and dear one,but there was no uncertainty or ambiguity about the happenings in my mind.However,for the people,who got separated from their near and dear ones in incidents other than deaths,the pain and loss is even greater.There is no finality or conclusive closure of the episode of their sufferings.Just come to think of it.Secondly,we tend to miss all those,who have been separated from us on account of anything death or other-wise,but when they are around,why don't we communicate the same kind of commitment and emotion thru our interaction and actions.Since my mothers departure,I could understand that need and value of expression of our feelings for our loved ones.For the last couple of days,I was working upon a plan to bring my family members closer thru various constructive interactions,however the reflections based on above thoughts propelled to act faster and with determination,before I lose another one.Pray for me as I dream of something unthinkable.I dream of creating a society based upon love,empathy,emotion and sacrifice.Charity,as they say,begins at home and so I want to begin with my own family members.I need help from each of you and I seek your good wishes too.I wait for that welcome moment of my dream achievement day after day............

The success may be at the very end....

 I had to go to my office at 20.30 hours.and I was entering my place after spending two hours at the local market at 21.00 hours.Suddenly,my friends daughter,who stays with me and works as a dietetic at a local hospital entered the drawing room to announce,"But I needed a white apron urgently.I have to wear it to my office tomorrow." It was late in the evening and I had to leave for my office in half an hour.Still,we decided to go to market to search for it.we were in a hurry and so we parked our car at the nearest possible place in the service lane.We asked at at least six places.None replied in affirmative,however one person gave a vague idea about how we may find at the bigger market located bit further.We rushed towards our car to hurry to that place.But we were perplexed at the sight in the parking.In just fifteen minutes,the whole place was choc-a-bloc and there was hardly any room for maneuvering the car out of the place.On the top of that i had started driving this new car of mine just recently.So,it was an uphill task for me to drive it out of the jam.However,after lot of patient driving stunts,we were on the main road,speeding towards the next market.It was getting late,weather was chilly and windy,shops were lowering their shutters.we rushed from shop to shop to find about the correct shop.We thought that now it was impossible.But we didn't lose heart.Then someone told that there is a school uniform shop behind this market,which may keep the apron we were looking for.The way he directed us towards the place,it seemed as if it was near by.So we darted in that direction.But there was no such shop in the backside,however fey vegetable shops were located there.in the background,there were two hoardings-one about a fish shop & another about the school uniform shop.We asked the people out there for the uniform shop.They pointed confidently to go towards the rear basement shops.We ran almost to make to the shop on time,but were disappointed to see that instead of the uniform shop,we had been directed to the fish shop.Our search began once again.We went to the hoarding and tried to move in the direction shown there on foot.However there were no sign of any such shop in that direction.The night was getting darker,weather worse,time very late and car was very far.We had lost all hopes by now and thought of returning.but we thought of giving one last try.We stopped a rickshaw and told him to take to the shop.But he didn't know about it.We still went in that direction and were trying to figure out about the shop on our won,when we saw the billboard bearing the name of the shop.It was about to close ,when we entered the shop.But finally...yes finally, he took out the "white apron" from the shelf,which we were searching for so desperately.On my return,i was just wondering,"What if we had returned home without giving this last try?"

It depends upon how you look at it

It depends upon how you look at it..

Today I had to accompany my father to local vegetable market.I wasn't very keen to go,but I did so to give company to my father-my care taker since my arrival in this world.Incidentally,my cousin ,who is a major in the Indian army,was also here today and we were busy debating about a project planning for our native place.I was explaining all the merits of this project and he was stuck with the impossibility of the proposal.We carried through our discussion even in the vegetable market.I was telling him that it was easy and possible and he was contesting it as difficult and impossible.As we were just entering the market, we heard a mother and daughter duo talking to each other.The daughter was saying,"Oh,it seems ,this is the end of the market." It contradiction in her statement struck me as we had just entered the market and it was the entry to the market.But I soon realized the reason behind her contradictory statement.Actually,they had entered from the other end of the market.So they were true in their statement as far as their point of reference was concerned.But it wasn't true for us because our point of reference was just the opposite.I laughed and shared the new found wisdom with my brother,who could not help but smile at the new realization about " perspective" in life.

The unforced error

Today I was sitting in lecture on cross cultural communication at New Delhi,when I heard about examples of unintentional mistakes committed by ignorant people dealing with cross cultural communication.The speaker was elaborating even further,but my mind started racing back in time and forced me remember about an incident last year,which left a deep scar on my psyche.I was never able to understand my fault in the whole episode,yet I felt it essential to keep mum in order to satisfy all those,who saw big design & planning in it.I would not have bothered to pay any heed to it,but I was forced to do so as it involved,my closest friends and their adorable parents.

It happened like this.I am a very infrequent user of social networking sites like Facebook,yet I maintain it as it provides me opportunity to meet my friends once in a while and communicate to them whenever I like.One day,I was able to meet a family friend of mine thru Facebook.She and her brother were my batch mates at Muzaffarpur during my academic years after schooling for five long years.They were four brother and sisters,and I was staying there with two of my elder brothers.Together we were very close knit family and her parents were our like my own parents.Time passed,we all went in different directions in course of our journey of life.My friend stays abroad,her one brother stays in West Bengal,two other siblings stay at Delhi.For many years,I tried to maintain as close contact as I could,for I was travelling the length and breadth of this country in course of my vocational pursuit.

Then I got back to Delhi on transfer recently.I decided to renew my contacts with all my friends including my this friend's family.Then ,one day we met on the net and I was very happy to know about her well-being and the achievements made by her family & children.In a moment of pure joy,we talked about all the topics under the sun,our days at Muzaffarpur and our common friends.I was told by her that she would be coming to Delhi soon to meet her parents & siblings.The joy of meeting my old friend and her family was overwhelming.Since that day,we kept on exchanging small tit bits and sweet nothings over net,which included the lazy job of forwarding good poetic lines written by some other contributors on Facebook.On the appointed day,I took my father along with me and traveled 20 miles to see them.We all enjoyed the meeting and I felt very emotional meeting their parents,her mom in particular.She has been like my mom to me always,more so because I lost my mom quite early in life.My father wanted to invite them to my house for a lunch,but given their own tight schedule,it didn't seem feasible.So we came back from there thinking that I should have better taken some gifts for them particularly her nice children.As we were coming down,a small packet of gift was thrust surreptitiously in my hand by my friend before she bode farewell to us.Her brother and husband came to see us off till the main road.While coming back,I was repeatedly reminded by my father that I should have taken some gifts for them while going there.I promised him that I would send something to her family once they reached Mumbai on their way back to their journey abroad.

At that time,even my elder sister was there at Delhi.So one day I told her ,"Just see the reach of technology.I will order things from here and it would be delivered to my friend at Mumbai".I also wanted to send something to my cousin at Mumbai,whose calls I was careless enough to miss in the recent past.So,I ordered chocolate and flowers to both of them online expressing my sentiments on the card attached along-with.Within,two hours,I was confirmed over mail and phone about deliveries to the two recipients.So I triumphantly informed my sister about this feat and was enjoying her sense of astonishment about this whole affair.

Suddenly,my phone rang and as expected it was friend on the line.I had a smile of victory on my lips as I had been able to discharge my duty assigned by my father.My sister was nearby only.Both of us were expecting exchange of some sweet sentiment over phone.But I was in for a surprise.The tone of my friend's voice sounded disturbing.She went on saying so many things in so many words,which in short meant that my gesture has been completely misunderstood by her family and she was very upset at the turn of these events.I was totally taken aback.I did not know how to respond to such needless storm in the tea cup.As we were very close family friends of three decades,in my wildest of dreams,I would not have imagined being misunderstood by them for sending something as silly as flowers & chocolates for her family.But that's what had happened.I thought of explaining,but I didn't try to pursue as I was not aware who specifically had felt offended and what meaning he or she would read in my further explanation.Moreover,being suspected of something as silly as that at my age was a bit too embarrassing for me.I shared the same with my sister immediately and we laughed our heart out about this whole thing.But as a female ,she was worried about my friend and the consequences of her being misunderstood by her family.So,she too dissuaded me from pursuing it any further with explanation.however,I did not share it with my father,because I did not know how to explain the whole mess without creating any further confusion.In the beginning,I thought of explaining things to her parent or siblings,but none picked my call and my worst fears were confirmed.The matter has been circulated among all.

The matter remained at that since then.But my conscience kept on pinching me for this unintended goof up.Still,honestly speaking,I could never understand my fault.But today while discussing about the confusions created by people ignorant of the nuances and subtleties of divergent cultures,matter of different colors of flowers sent in gift was discussed and the underlying sentiment behind each color explained.As I grasped the crux of this discussion,I was red with embarrassment.As the discussion in the lecture proceeded on,I was recalling the discussion I had with the online florist while ordering the gifts.

Florist-which color of flower you want to send?

Me-The biggest bouquet,must have roses,color immaterial,preferably natural colors.

Florist-Do you want to send some sweets?

Me-Yes,send something,which can be delivered in proper shape,better send chocolate.(My friend's daughter had treated me with chocolate during my visit,so I wanted to reciprocate sub-consciously).It was only today that I could understand the goof up.I had sent red roses and chocolates,which I was informed,conveys different things than I meant.I even googled to confirm what I had just learnt.Google informed,"Different colors of roses mean different things: white=purity/innocence, yellow=friendship, red=love, etc. Usually chocolate is associated with love, and is the usual gift at Valentine's Day. Chocolate causes the brain to secrete endorphin which make us feel good (similar to the feeling of being in love). So giving both of these gifts means you love someone".

And,I knew that I had messed up royally.But the question before me was that can a three decade old friendship be allowed to be broken for just one silly mistake? God give me solution,I won't rest peacefully even in my grave without that.If you know of some better way of resolving this puzzle do suggest me soon before its late.

Ek zindagi kuch kwab adhoore

Jab bhi sochta hoon main tanhai mein

zindagi mein guzare lamho ke bare

hazar batein ankahee si chali aati hain

ek toofan mere dil mein chod jaati hain

kya kuch pal jo maine kate hain

kabhi kisike kuch dard batei hain

kya sudh li kabhi kisi mazloom ki

ya phir jeete rahe sirf bas bojh ban kar

kiya kuch bhi ho maine is zindagi mein

safai har baat ki de sakta hoon khoob

apni isi kabliyat se fiqrmand hun bahut

yunhi chhut na jaoon apne sikwon ki safai ban kar

sochta hun ki jo kal tha woh beet gaya

aaj ki subah layi hai din blkul hi naya

par jab raat hoti hai chatpatata hoon

kal ki kasam aj phir kyun toot gayi

Insaan hoon galatiyan meri phitrat hai

afsoshzada hun par mayush nahi hun ab bhi

chahoon toh kamiyab bhi ho hi jaunga

tabhi talashta rehta hun zeene ki maqsad har pal

sabko jana hai,mein bhi kabhi jaunga

yeh sacchai mujhe maloom hai yaron

ek mukam dhoondhta hun besabri se

manzil se pehle hi sham na ho jaye!!!

Gratitude:Is it an add on or a must?

I have many genuine words of appreciation for the younger generation of today in India.For example,they display so much independence in thought and ambition that was quite unheard of a couple of years ago.Similarly,they have displayed a great sense of responsibility by rising up to the calls for voicing social concerns in very recent past.I can go on and on counting their positives for you,but I am here today to point out a very unique deficiency,which is threatening to undo all their positive contributions towards society-their inability to express gratitude when that's due.

I came back to my blog page after a long time and felt compelled to voice my concern as I felt very uncomfortable with the two things which happened during the day.One was the news of senseless murder of a teacher by her own student of class nine in Chennai and the other was the disrespectful reference to her college by my daughter.I must admit that I myself never held any of my schools or colleges,where I studied,in very high opinion.I used to believe that I deserved some better institution and so never felt the need to express my gratitude for my academic institution or teacher.Today evening,while my daughter and me were busy discussing zillions of things under the sun,some reference came regarding her college and the words used by her for her college authorities were not exactly charitable. It sounded some alarm in my mind.Even as I was explaining the reasons for my disapproval for her emotional disconnect with her college,the news on the TV in the drawing room informed about the reprehensible act of murderous attack on a school teacher by her own student,for some petty grievances. I understand that the development of a child is not the responsibility of the school or society alone, and parents have a major responsibility in this regard.this filled me with even more sense of guilt.

I started wondering about this great virtue called gratitude ,which is gradually vanishing from our modern vocabulary.Imagine how will our civilized society look like in absence of this essential ingredient.Not only is it a desired courtesy to remain grateful to God and his other beings for everything that takes place in our lives,but it is basic need ,which encourages people to do all things good.Today,the means of exchange of information has increased manifold and parents are not entirely in control of such mediums.Therefore a child is impressed as much by the inputs from these independent and unregulated mediums as they may get influenced by the thoughts or actions of their own parents.An Indian home is steeped deeply in terms of courtesy and gratitude and so in isolation,it would have been able to impart such virtues to its wards effortlessly.However,the impact of unregulated information from TV,films and social media has made it virtually impossible now because children spend more time among their peers outside their houses than their own homes.Today,there is so much emphasis on individuality,independence and self that it sounds almost incongruous to talk of something as basic as gratitude.

There is so much indifference and apathy in the social environment in general and its permeating into the DNA of our children.Any logical,leave apart ethical,person would be able to surmise the importance of the role his parents,teachers and academic institution play in shaping up him as a person and bringing him to his destiny.Therefore,it is minimum courtesy to acknowledge the same and reciprocate by expressing heart felt gratitude for these contributions.It does not take away anything from us,rather it enriches us and gives us a sense of belongingness and responsibility.That forms the basis of any civilized society and its absence will fill the society with needless aggression, apathy,animosity & envy.And this will lead our heart to be filled with unbearable burden of isolation and agony.That is manifest everywhere today.Externally,we may pretend to be immensely happy,but internally we all are sick and worried lot.

Recently,I was contemplating ,in a very personal moment,about leaving behind everything to pursue the call of my conscience with all my energy.In the process,I was thinking about all I can count as achievements,in my life and how they came into my life.And then I was thinking about my parents,who toiled day and night to give me such a future,sacrificing everything they had for our sake.And they did so without even a second thought as if they were born here to do this only.Similarly,I thought of my teachers,my schools and my colleges.i might have undervalued them all my life,yet it was their effort which enabled me undertake the journey of my life.Then I realized that even though,I was not conscious of it ,I must be deeply indebted to all of them for contributing so immensely in my life without seeking anything in return.I felt very very small for remaining so arrogant so far in life and since then I never miss any opportunity to express my gratitude towards anyone and everyone,who has contributed in my life in any way or who has given me opportunity to contribute to work for them.That has made me very calm and composed internally,where I am at peace with my current realities and relating to them positively.I have developed a stronger sense of belongingness towards the society in which I live and in turn it has made me aware of greater sense of responsibility towards it.In short,I grew up as an human being in the process and rose higher in my own estimation.