Waiting for them day after day

Today,when I got back from my classes,I was a bit tensed up about my next assignment.So,I thought of relaxing by watching something on the TV.As I was busy in small talk,I heard some gripping story of families,whose children went missing,but despite all efforts they remain untraceable.I was seeing their kith and kin, living in a state of perpetual mourning since their departure,sharing their sense of loss and grief.I was moved.It struck a chord in my heart immediately.I have been blessed with unduly emotional mindset since my childhood and the happenings in my life did not help me either to remain away from emotion even for one moment.I am very quick in getting closer with individuals emotionally.I am made that way.I used to be proud of my this ability and used to relish being close to human beings.But as time passed, age caught up with me and gradually I  was to witness another facet of this phenomenon.With time,I was losing people,whom I loved with so much intensity and depth.The sense of loss was unimaginable and the pain inexplicable yet unbearable.Time and again,person after person,I used to suffer silently.I still remember vividly the death of my young class-teacher in a street burglary,passing of my grand mother,sudden departure of my eldest uncle,loss of Ranu's mom (friend's mom),demise of my own mother,departure of friend,friends parents....countless of them.I was very deeply attached to each of them and thus felt an acute sense of loss for each of them.But as I was watching the documentary-two things stood distinctly among other things.One,at least in the cases of death-natural or unnatural,there was a sense of finality or closure about the incident.It may have been painful ,each time I lost my near and dear one,but there was no uncertainty or ambiguity about the happenings in my mind.However,for the people,who got separated from their near and dear ones in incidents other than deaths,the pain and loss is even greater.There is no finality or conclusive closure of the episode of their sufferings.Just come to think of it.Secondly,we tend to miss all those,who have been separated from us on account of anything death or other-wise,but when they are around,why don't we communicate the same kind of commitment and emotion thru our interaction and actions.Since my mothers departure,I could understand that need and value of expression of our feelings for our loved ones.For the last couple of days,I was working upon a plan to bring my family members closer thru various constructive interactions,however the reflections based on above thoughts propelled to act faster and with determination,before I lose another one.Pray for me as I dream of something unthinkable.I dream of creating a society based upon love,empathy,emotion and sacrifice.Charity,as they say,begins at home and so I want to begin with my own family members.I need help from each of you and I seek your good wishes too.I wait for that welcome moment of my dream achievement day after day............

The success may be at the very end....

 I had to go to my office at 20.30 hours.and I was entering my place after spending two hours at the local market at 21.00 hours.Suddenly,my friends daughter,who stays with me and works as a dietetic at a local hospital entered the drawing room to announce,"But I needed a white apron urgently.I have to wear it to my office tomorrow." It was late in the evening and I had to leave for my office in half an hour.Still,we decided to go to market to search for it.we were in a hurry and so we parked our car at the nearest possible place in the service lane.We asked at at least six places.None replied in affirmative,however one person gave a vague idea about how we may find at the bigger market located bit further.We rushed towards our car to hurry to that place.But we were perplexed at the sight in the parking.In just fifteen minutes,the whole place was choc-a-bloc and there was hardly any room for maneuvering the car out of the place.On the top of that i had started driving this new car of mine just recently.So,it was an uphill task for me to drive it out of the jam.However,after lot of patient driving stunts,we were on the main road,speeding towards the next market.It was getting late,weather was chilly and windy,shops were lowering their shutters.we rushed from shop to shop to find about the correct shop.We thought that now it was impossible.But we didn't lose heart.Then someone told that there is a school uniform shop behind this market,which may keep the apron we were looking for.The way he directed us towards the place,it seemed as if it was near by.So we darted in that direction.But there was no such shop in the backside,however fey vegetable shops were located there.in the background,there were two hoardings-one about a fish shop & another about the school uniform shop.We asked the people out there for the uniform shop.They pointed confidently to go towards the rear basement shops.We ran almost to make to the shop on time,but were disappointed to see that instead of the uniform shop,we had been directed to the fish shop.Our search began once again.We went to the hoarding and tried to move in the direction shown there on foot.However there were no sign of any such shop in that direction.The night was getting darker,weather worse,time very late and car was very far.We had lost all hopes by now and thought of returning.but we thought of giving one last try.We stopped a rickshaw and told him to take to the shop.But he didn't know about it.We still went in that direction and were trying to figure out about the shop on our won,when we saw the billboard bearing the name of the shop.It was about to close ,when we entered the shop.But finally...yes finally, he took out the "white apron" from the shelf,which we were searching for so desperately.On my return,i was just wondering,"What if we had returned home without giving this last try?"

It depends upon how you look at it

It depends upon how you look at it..

Today I had to accompany my father to local vegetable market.I wasn't very keen to go,but I did so to give company to my father-my care taker since my arrival in this world.Incidentally,my cousin ,who is a major in the Indian army,was also here today and we were busy debating about a project planning for our native place.I was explaining all the merits of this project and he was stuck with the impossibility of the proposal.We carried through our discussion even in the vegetable market.I was telling him that it was easy and possible and he was contesting it as difficult and impossible.As we were just entering the market, we heard a mother and daughter duo talking to each other.The daughter was saying,"Oh,it seems ,this is the end of the market." It contradiction in her statement struck me as we had just entered the market and it was the entry to the market.But I soon realized the reason behind her contradictory statement.Actually,they had entered from the other end of the market.So they were true in their statement as far as their point of reference was concerned.But it wasn't true for us because our point of reference was just the opposite.I laughed and shared the new found wisdom with my brother,who could not help but smile at the new realization about " perspective" in life.

The unforced error

Today I was sitting in lecture on cross cultural communication at New Delhi,when I heard about examples of unintentional mistakes committed by ignorant people dealing with cross cultural communication.The speaker was elaborating even further,but my mind started racing back in time and forced me remember about an incident last year,which left a deep scar on my psyche.I was never able to understand my fault in the whole episode,yet I felt it essential to keep mum in order to satisfy all those,who saw big design & planning in it.I would not have bothered to pay any heed to it,but I was forced to do so as it involved,my closest friends and their adorable parents.

It happened like this.I am a very infrequent user of social networking sites like Facebook,yet I maintain it as it provides me opportunity to meet my friends once in a while and communicate to them whenever I like.One day,I was able to meet a family friend of mine thru Facebook.She and her brother were my batch mates at Muzaffarpur during my academic years after schooling for five long years.They were four brother and sisters,and I was staying there with two of my elder brothers.Together we were very close knit family and her parents were our like my own parents.Time passed,we all went in different directions in course of our journey of life.My friend stays abroad,her one brother stays in West Bengal,two other siblings stay at Delhi.For many years,I tried to maintain as close contact as I could,for I was travelling the length and breadth of this country in course of my vocational pursuit.

Then I got back to Delhi on transfer recently.I decided to renew my contacts with all my friends including my this friend's family.Then ,one day we met on the net and I was very happy to know about her well-being and the achievements made by her family & children.In a moment of pure joy,we talked about all the topics under the sun,our days at Muzaffarpur and our common friends.I was told by her that she would be coming to Delhi soon to meet her parents & siblings.The joy of meeting my old friend and her family was overwhelming.Since that day,we kept on exchanging small tit bits and sweet nothings over net,which included the lazy job of forwarding good poetic lines written by some other contributors on Facebook.On the appointed day,I took my father along with me and traveled 20 miles to see them.We all enjoyed the meeting and I felt very emotional meeting their parents,her mom in particular.She has been like my mom to me always,more so because I lost my mom quite early in life.My father wanted to invite them to my house for a lunch,but given their own tight schedule,it didn't seem feasible.So we came back from there thinking that I should have better taken some gifts for them particularly her nice children.As we were coming down,a small packet of gift was thrust surreptitiously in my hand by my friend before she bode farewell to us.Her brother and husband came to see us off till the main road.While coming back,I was repeatedly reminded by my father that I should have taken some gifts for them while going there.I promised him that I would send something to her family once they reached Mumbai on their way back to their journey abroad.

At that time,even my elder sister was there at Delhi.So one day I told her ,"Just see the reach of technology.I will order things from here and it would be delivered to my friend at Mumbai".I also wanted to send something to my cousin at Mumbai,whose calls I was careless enough to miss in the recent past.So,I ordered chocolate and flowers to both of them online expressing my sentiments on the card attached along-with.Within,two hours,I was confirmed over mail and phone about deliveries to the two recipients.So I triumphantly informed my sister about this feat and was enjoying her sense of astonishment about this whole affair.

Suddenly,my phone rang and as expected it was friend on the line.I had a smile of victory on my lips as I had been able to discharge my duty assigned by my father.My sister was nearby only.Both of us were expecting exchange of some sweet sentiment over phone.But I was in for a surprise.The tone of my friend's voice sounded disturbing.She went on saying so many things in so many words,which in short meant that my gesture has been completely misunderstood by her family and she was very upset at the turn of these events.I was totally taken aback.I did not know how to respond to such needless storm in the tea cup.As we were very close family friends of three decades,in my wildest of dreams,I would not have imagined being misunderstood by them for sending something as silly as flowers & chocolates for her family.But that's what had happened.I thought of explaining,but I didn't try to pursue as I was not aware who specifically had felt offended and what meaning he or she would read in my further explanation.Moreover,being suspected of something as silly as that at my age was a bit too embarrassing for me.I shared the same with my sister immediately and we laughed our heart out about this whole thing.But as a female ,she was worried about my friend and the consequences of her being misunderstood by her family.So,she too dissuaded me from pursuing it any further with explanation.however,I did not share it with my father,because I did not know how to explain the whole mess without creating any further confusion.In the beginning,I thought of explaining things to her parent or siblings,but none picked my call and my worst fears were confirmed.The matter has been circulated among all.

The matter remained at that since then.But my conscience kept on pinching me for this unintended goof up.Still,honestly speaking,I could never understand my fault.But today while discussing about the confusions created by people ignorant of the nuances and subtleties of divergent cultures,matter of different colors of flowers sent in gift was discussed and the underlying sentiment behind each color explained.As I grasped the crux of this discussion,I was red with embarrassment.As the discussion in the lecture proceeded on,I was recalling the discussion I had with the online florist while ordering the gifts.

Florist-which color of flower you want to send?

Me-The biggest bouquet,must have roses,color immaterial,preferably natural colors.

Florist-Do you want to send some sweets?

Me-Yes,send something,which can be delivered in proper shape,better send chocolate.(My friend's daughter had treated me with chocolate during my visit,so I wanted to reciprocate sub-consciously).It was only today that I could understand the goof up.I had sent red roses and chocolates,which I was informed,conveys different things than I meant.I even googled to confirm what I had just learnt.Google informed,"Different colors of roses mean different things: white=purity/innocence, yellow=friendship, red=love, etc. Usually chocolate is associated with love, and is the usual gift at Valentine's Day. Chocolate causes the brain to secrete endorphin which make us feel good (similar to the feeling of being in love). So giving both of these gifts means you love someone".

And,I knew that I had messed up royally.But the question before me was that can a three decade old friendship be allowed to be broken for just one silly mistake? God give me solution,I won't rest peacefully even in my grave without that.If you know of some better way of resolving this puzzle do suggest me soon before its late.

Ek zindagi kuch kwab adhoore

Jab bhi sochta hoon main tanhai mein

zindagi mein guzare lamho ke bare

hazar batein ankahee si chali aati hain

ek toofan mere dil mein chod jaati hain

kya kuch pal jo maine kate hain

kabhi kisike kuch dard batei hain

kya sudh li kabhi kisi mazloom ki

ya phir jeete rahe sirf bas bojh ban kar

kiya kuch bhi ho maine is zindagi mein

safai har baat ki de sakta hoon khoob

apni isi kabliyat se fiqrmand hun bahut

yunhi chhut na jaoon apne sikwon ki safai ban kar

sochta hun ki jo kal tha woh beet gaya

aaj ki subah layi hai din blkul hi naya

par jab raat hoti hai chatpatata hoon

kal ki kasam aj phir kyun toot gayi

Insaan hoon galatiyan meri phitrat hai

afsoshzada hun par mayush nahi hun ab bhi

chahoon toh kamiyab bhi ho hi jaunga

tabhi talashta rehta hun zeene ki maqsad har pal

sabko jana hai,mein bhi kabhi jaunga

yeh sacchai mujhe maloom hai yaron

ek mukam dhoondhta hun besabri se

manzil se pehle hi sham na ho jaye!!!

Gratitude:Is it an add on or a must?

I have many genuine words of appreciation for the younger generation of today in India.For example,they display so much independence in thought and ambition that was quite unheard of a couple of years ago.Similarly,they have displayed a great sense of responsibility by rising up to the calls for voicing social concerns in very recent past.I can go on and on counting their positives for you,but I am here today to point out a very unique deficiency,which is threatening to undo all their positive contributions towards society-their inability to express gratitude when that's due.

I came back to my blog page after a long time and felt compelled to voice my concern as I felt very uncomfortable with the two things which happened during the day.One was the news of senseless murder of a teacher by her own student of class nine in Chennai and the other was the disrespectful reference to her college by my daughter.I must admit that I myself never held any of my schools or colleges,where I studied,in very high opinion.I used to believe that I deserved some better institution and so never felt the need to express my gratitude for my academic institution or teacher.Today evening,while my daughter and me were busy discussing zillions of things under the sun,some reference came regarding her college and the words used by her for her college authorities were not exactly charitable. It sounded some alarm in my mind.Even as I was explaining the reasons for my disapproval for her emotional disconnect with her college,the news on the TV in the drawing room informed about the reprehensible act of murderous attack on a school teacher by her own student,for some petty grievances. I understand that the development of a child is not the responsibility of the school or society alone, and parents have a major responsibility in this regard.this filled me with even more sense of guilt.

I started wondering about this great virtue called gratitude ,which is gradually vanishing from our modern vocabulary.Imagine how will our civilized society look like in absence of this essential ingredient.Not only is it a desired courtesy to remain grateful to God and his other beings for everything that takes place in our lives,but it is basic need ,which encourages people to do all things good.Today,the means of exchange of information has increased manifold and parents are not entirely in control of such mediums.Therefore a child is impressed as much by the inputs from these independent and unregulated mediums as they may get influenced by the thoughts or actions of their own parents.An Indian home is steeped deeply in terms of courtesy and gratitude and so in isolation,it would have been able to impart such virtues to its wards effortlessly.However,the impact of unregulated information from TV,films and social media has made it virtually impossible now because children spend more time among their peers outside their houses than their own homes.Today,there is so much emphasis on individuality,independence and self that it sounds almost incongruous to talk of something as basic as gratitude.

There is so much indifference and apathy in the social environment in general and its permeating into the DNA of our children.Any logical,leave apart ethical,person would be able to surmise the importance of the role his parents,teachers and academic institution play in shaping up him as a person and bringing him to his destiny.Therefore,it is minimum courtesy to acknowledge the same and reciprocate by expressing heart felt gratitude for these contributions.It does not take away anything from us,rather it enriches us and gives us a sense of belongingness and responsibility.That forms the basis of any civilized society and its absence will fill the society with needless aggression, apathy,animosity & envy.And this will lead our heart to be filled with unbearable burden of isolation and agony.That is manifest everywhere today.Externally,we may pretend to be immensely happy,but internally we all are sick and worried lot.

Recently,I was contemplating ,in a very personal moment,about leaving behind everything to pursue the call of my conscience with all my energy.In the process,I was thinking about all I can count as achievements,in my life and how they came into my life.And then I was thinking about my parents,who toiled day and night to give me such a future,sacrificing everything they had for our sake.And they did so without even a second thought as if they were born here to do this only.Similarly,I thought of my teachers,my schools and my colleges.i might have undervalued them all my life,yet it was their effort which enabled me undertake the journey of my life.Then I realized that even though,I was not conscious of it ,I must be deeply indebted to all of them for contributing so immensely in my life without seeking anything in return.I felt very very small for remaining so arrogant so far in life and since then I never miss any opportunity to express my gratitude towards anyone and everyone,who has contributed in my life in any way or who has given me opportunity to contribute to work for them.That has made me very calm and composed internally,where I am at peace with my current realities and relating to them positively.I have developed a stronger sense of belongingness towards the society in which I live and in turn it has made me aware of greater sense of responsibility towards it.In short,I grew up as an human being in the process and rose higher in my own estimation.